I recently started a new job and I’m happy to say that my new company believes in the concept of grace. And they really seem to try very hard to extend it to one another. It’s sad to me that in all of the places I’ve worked over the course of my career, there has only been one place that actually employed a biblical concept such as grace in their everyday operations. Most places are quick to point the finger when mistakes are made. Even quicker to hold someone accountable…even if it’s not the correct someone. This is why most jobs become unbearable and why most people feel like work is an unpleasant chore that must be tolerated rather than a calling. And it’s hard to feel invested in chores. I believe that if you feel like you’re using your God-given talent to do the work you do, it takes on 100% more meaning. It becomes less of something you have to do and more of something that you want to do. And your stress level comes down accordingly.
I’ve always been someone who takes the things I do way too seriously. I hate to make mistakes and I hate to disappoint people. So, I’ve spent much of my career on pins and needles wondering if what I was doing was good enough. Even when I was told that it was, I still had my doubts. This might be due, in part, to the fact that even though I’ve been told I was doing a great job in the past, I’ve still had the rug pulled out from under me on occasion. No matter how high my performance evaluation scores were, somehow, I was still not the favorite or one of the “chosen” few who are permitted to ascend the corporate ladder. Why? Who knows? There usually wasn’t much explanation. And it chipped away at my confidence until there was almost nothing left.
I think that many employers don’t consider a person’s true background when making decisions about an employee’s abilities. In some cases, they lack the emotional I.Q. to understand why some people behave the way they do. They fail to take into consideration any past traumas or current traumas that the employee may be experiencing. Or worse, they can’t relate on any level because their experience and their mindset is too limited to allow for anything they don’t understand to have any impact on them. When I was younger, I was this way. As a manager, I lacked empathy toward some of my employees because I hadn’t yet experienced some of the struggles they had already endured. And these don’t necessarily have to be outrageously heartbreaking or traumatic experiences. They can be universal experiences like marriage, divorce, childbirth, dealing with a sick child or parent, having financial difficulties, etc.
I can remember back before I had my daughter, I was a manager and I was hiring a few staff members for my department. I met a young lady who was very aggressive in her job search. She first came across as overbearing, but later, I realized that she was simply looking for a job so that she could provide for herself and her child. Her child was dealing with some illness and she was understandably worried about her health, but since I hadn’t yet become a mother, I didn’t have the depth to fully understand why this young lady was such an aggressive communicator. I’m sorry to say, I wasn’t very nice or understanding. And I missed an opportunity to make her life better instead of adding to her stress. Thankfully, I did get the chance later on to tell her that I was sorry for the way I had come across when we first met. And she understood. She had already mastered the concept of grace all those years ago. And I’m still trying to get it right.
I’m sure that most of us feel like we’re always going through something. For me, I feel like I haven’t gone more than a week or so over the past thirty years without some sort of catastrophe. It sounds like an exaggeration, but seriously, every time I turn around there is a fire to put out. I don’t know why, but I have come to the conclusion that I must be on the right track in one way or another for the devil to try so hard to block my progress. If I wasn’t experiencing difficulties of some sort, I think I’d be worried. So, I’m trying to train myself to take each problem with a grain of salt. Things could always be worse, so what I am going through is really nothing in the grand scheme of things. It just feels much more daunting to me because it’s my problem. And the fact that I understand that part is a giant step forward from where I was years ago. At least now I get that my angst and frustration is very much a “me” thing. And everyone has “me” things. Some are just better than others at coping with them.
When we truly understand the idea that each person we meet is dealing with a bunch of “me” issues, we begin to understand the concept of grace. It’s about understanding that although the issue may not touch us personally, it is definitely touching the person who is dealing with it. And their response may not fit into our idea of how they should be responding to whatever it is they are dealing with. But it isn’t our job to judge them. It’s our job to support them if we can and if appropriate, to help them sort through whatever it is that is troubling them.
It’s also our job to understand when their issue is none of our business. And sometimes, even when we really want to help, it simply isn’t our place to do so. It’s something that they need to work through and exercise their own faith in. We can’t fix everything. Even if it’s something we’ve been able to fix for ourselves. We can share our experience, but ultimately, we have to allow people to move forward and fix their own issues. We can pray for them and ask for God to help them sort it all out. We can ask God to protect them while they’re struggling. But we must not steal their opportunity to receive grace. If they make mistakes, they must be allowed to apologize for them and to feel the relief of receiving grace when they’ve messed up. The point is, we’re not God. But we can offer grace. We can’t make things happen for someone, but we can remove the burden of making another person feel like they have to constantly work to impress or appease us. And we should, whenever possible.
Rebecca Benston is the owner of Higher Ground Books & Media and the author of over twenty titles currently available through Amazon and other outlets. Her books include a mystery series (The Rona Shively Stories), empowerment resources such as Wise Up to Rise Up, Don’t Be Stupid (And I Mean That in the Nicest Way), and From Judgment to Jubilee, children’s books including Grumble D. Grumble Learns to Smile, All the Scary Things, and See How Strong You Are. Benston lives in Springfield, Ohio with her awesome daughter, Mya and enjoys traveling, reading, writing, and telling it like it is. She enjoys being able to help other authors get their stories out there through Higher Ground and has recently expanded her freelance services to offer more extensive guidance as a writing coach and social media manager. For more information, you can contact Benston at highergroundbooksandmedia@gmail.com.
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Bloom is the story of a girl who is caught in a web of memories that is beginning to unravel. Will she finally remember the truth and begin to break free from her chains?
Leading the Follower 