But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
~2 Corinthians 12:9 New International Version~
 
Sometimes I am overtaken by the fear that I may not have what it takes to be a good, Christian woman.  The dumbest things get into my head and cause me to wonder if God would really, truly want me to do anything on His behalf.  At times, it paralyzes me so that I can’t think of anything but how truly messed up I have been in my life.  But, when that fear begins to set in that is when I sit down with my Bible and start looking for answers.  And guess what?  I find them.
 
The quote from 2 Corinthians exemplifies what some of us must remind ourselves of every single day.  If you’ve been victimized, neglected, abused, hurt or otherwise cast aside by people or circumstances, you must understand that in your weakness (what you perceive to be weakness), God’s power shines through.  In what we cannot do or cannot bear, He makes a way for us and it proves, once again that He is in control and that there is nothing that He cannot do. 
 
Sometimes, the feeling hangs on for days, weeks, months or until we finally submit to His will and allow ourselves to lean on Him.  I know that in my life, there were times when nothing made sense to me.  These were the times when I was so far away from Him that I couldn’t imagine ever finding a way back.  But through all of the confusion and the pain, He kept the light on for me.    When I was ready to come back and knock on the door, He was there to welcome me with open arms.  As in Matthew 7:7, He says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”  Standing in the middle of the road, scratching your head will not open any doors for you.  You must not be afraid to go to Him and say, “Help me.”
 
He isn’t waiting for you to come back to Him so that He can humiliate you.  He isn’t waiting for you to fail.  He doesn’t want to continue teaching you lessons using tough-love tactics.  He wants you to trust Him, to love Him and to understand that He will always be there for you.  God has no dark motives.  He is a merciful, grace-bestowing, loving God who wants the best for His children.  He’s not going to drop the “other shoe” the moment you let your guard down.   In 1 John 1:5, we see that, “…God is light; in him, there is no darkness at all.” One of the greatest battles I fought with the enemy was over whether or not God would truly forgive me and whether or not He would accept me again after all that I had done wrong.  I had no idea the breadth of His grace. 
 
This topic was weighing heavy on me today as I’ve been struggling with what to do next in my life.  I want to do so many things and to be a light to those who may feel as though they are living in complete darkness.  I want to do this, but I don’t quite know how.  Or maybe I know how, I’m just not sure if I’m up to the challenge.  So I wait.  And while I wait, the enemy attempts to tear me down so that I will not try again.  During these times, when I’m not sure I can handle the responsibility or the pressure of doing what I’m called to do, I call on Him and He reminds me of what was said in Mark 9:23, “‘If you can?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”
 
Some people may not understand, and some may think that what I’m saying is absolutely not for them.  There are so many people who refuse to even look in God’s direction when they are hurting because they are sure that He hasn’t been there for them.  I would say to those people that He’s there and has always been, but He will not intrude into your affairs if you have made it clear that you don’t want Him there.  The minute you say, “God, I need you,” he is right there and ready to give you what you need.  It really is that simple.  In John 16:24, He says, “Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.”
 
If there is something going on in your life that is causing you pain, take a moment and talk to God.  He is listening.  He’s always listening and ready to reach out to you.  Just give Him a minute of the time He’s given you.  It will open up a whole new way of life for you and bring peace to you like you have never known. 
 
And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
~2 Corinthians 9:8~

 
 
 
 
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