Today’s Pondering~The Only Thing We Have to Fear…

And he said to the human race,  “The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom,  and to shun evil is understanding.”

~Job 28:28~

I’ve been wondering lately if fear isn’t what’s playing the biggest role in keeping people from believing in the grace of God.  Something about the way fear grips us and makes us doubt whether or not we will be able to survive a situation got me thinking.  For as much as I believe that God has my back and I wholeheartedly believe that no matter what, He will get me through whatever comes my way, I am still sometimes quite shaken and unnerved by things that happen in my life.  Even something as simple as a creature making its way into my home unexpectedly can throw me off balance for a good half day.  Why is this true when I know that God would never leave me or forsake me?  And if I feel this way as a believer, how shaken must people who don’t believe feel when life throws curves their way?  If I had no one to turn to, how would I ever hope to make it in this world?  And how would that translate in terms of the way I treat others?

These are the things I think about when I find bats hanging in my basement stairwell or snakes in the basement crawling toward my laundry pile.  After panicking, then taking action, I find myself thinking about how the average person would deal with these things.  And then I start wondering if the average person truly believes that God can deliver them from harm should it present itself in their life.  Sometimes the attitudes of the people around me suggest that they probably don’t think that they will ever have to answer to anyone for the way they behave.  But if you dig deeper and find out what is really at the heart of their issues, many times you will find that they are scared to death of being hurt.  Sometimes it’s an emotional hurt they fear, sometimes it’s physical danger.  Either way, this preoccupation with what terrible things may happen keeps them from having joy and peace in their heart.  This, in turn, keeps them from believing that someone is watching out for them and this results in unbelief which again feeds fear as it comes into our lives.

So how do you get people to understand that even in times where we as human beings are certain that He isn’t there for us, He is very present and aware of what we are going through?  How can you help someone understand that sometimes God needs us to go through the things we go through so that we can come to a place where we will trust Him and rely on Him?  We can no more convince another human being that God is there for them than we can convince a teenager that parents always know best.  There are just some things that people must figure out on their own.  It never hurts to share our own experiences with others or to testify as to how God has shown Himself faithful in our lives, but we can’t let it shake our faith if the person to whom we are witnessing just doesn’t get it.

Perhaps one of my biggest fears is that I will have wasted my time here on earth and that I will never have had an impact on anyone who doesn’t believe in the grace of God.  As someone who wants to create disciples and help lead others to Christ, it scares me to think that my efforts might be in vain.  But then I remember that any time I choose to share God’s word with someone I know and care about, I am giving them a piece of the armor they need to fight off the fear that always comes for us.  I can’t fight the battle for them, but if I’ve given them at least some tools to use as they find their way then I’ve done my part.  It’s not my job to stay behind and make sure they use those tools correctly and it isn’t up to me to make sure they don’t throw them away.  God doesn’t expect me to carry the burdens of the rest of the world on my shoulders, He expects me to give those burdens to Him.  He has much broader shoulders and He ain’t afraid of nothing.  Before I waste my time and energy being afraid of any crazy thing this world throws my way, I will remember that all of those things should fear Him and He’s on my side.

Though an army besiege me,  my heart will not fear; though war break out against me,  even then I will be confident.

~Psalm 27:3~

Today’s Pondering~Something to believe in…

And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.

~Matthew 13:58~

I think that most of the time we just want too much.  We look directly past what is good for us and focus solely on the things that aren’t really necessary in our lives; always wanting what we haven’t yet been able to obtain.  Not that there is anything at all wrong with wanting things or wanting good things to happen in our lives.  The problem comes when our faith in God is tangled up only in what is tangible and able to be seen by others as a show of God’s presence.  It’s a problem when we can’t be content simply having more of a feeling of peace and less of a feeling of pressure when we entrust our lives to God.  That, for some reason, isn’t enough for most people to set aside their earthly pursuits and diligently seek Him.  I think that’s a shame because there is no way to put a value on the relief that comes from handing every worry and care over to the One who is always watching your back and who sees the bigger picture; all of our flaws and shortcomings, but who still wants to provide that constant and unfailing support to us.  You can’t buy what He provides, you can only obtain it through a sincere and consistent effort to walk in step with the One who loves you unconditionally.

It’s so easy to settle for the things we can put our hands on; the things we can see, hear, feel, taste and touch.  When what we are trying to grasp with our hands can only be felt in the heart and soul, it is almost impossible to convince ourselves that it is really there.  All of the messages we get in our culture tell us to reach for the next big thing and to be in constant pursuit of the new and improved.  Jesus doesn’t come to us in cooler, more modern versions of Himself and so often it’s like we write that off as His being obsolete.  He doesn’t improve because He is already everything we could ever want or need.  You cannot improve on perfection.  Yet, because of His understated presence and our society’s constant attempts to make Him seem as unimportant as the ground we walk on, we can’t see His value until we have come to a place in our lives where there has been dire need and that need has been met in some miraculous way.  Even then, we don’t always acknowledge that it was God who brought provision.  We credit luck or some amazing and mysterious talent we have for getting ourselves out of bad situations.

In a way, it is almost like we are conceding to inevitable defeat.  We behave as though we will never really achieve happiness or peace because we can’t quantify these feelings.  We are cheating ourselves because we’ve been convinced that we must be able to see and prove that these things exist in order for them to be worth having.  I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m really not willing to talk myself out of the happiness and joy that I deserve.  God wants us to be happy.  He wants us to acknowledge all that He has done and is doing in our lives and in return, He gives us happiness, peace, joy and love.  This doesn’t mean we won’t have other feelings or that we won’t go through periods of disappointment or angst.  It means that we will always have access to our hope if we just believe that He can and will do what we need Him to do in our lives.  It’s almost too easy.  But even in its simplicity, it is the one thing that most people most often choose not to do.  Saying we believe and actually believing bear very different kinds of fruit and it is evident from looking at the lives of those around us which of the two they are practicing regularly.

There is nothing wrong with employing the “fake it till you make it” principle in most cases, but don’t make this harder than it is by faking something you know you will never be able to fully commit to.  God sees through our attempts to convince others that we believe in Him when, in reality, we have no faith.  Unless you let it get deep into your soul, God’s love will never be able to heal you or to comfort you in the way He intends it to.  If you block Him at the gates because you really don’t think He can do anything for you then expect that your professed belief in Him will bear little to no fruit in your life.  And don’t be surprised if you never experience the kind of peace and happiness that I assure you can be had if you truly believe.  There really is no good excuse for anyone to feel that He wouldn’t help them.  If you let Him in, He will be your comforter, your protector, your healer.  It’s as simple as that.

Then they asked him, “What must we do to do the works God requires?” Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”

~John 6:28-29 (NIV)~

 

Today’s Pondering~Hanging out in the middle…

The LORD God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

~Genesis 2:9~ 

I find it ironic that the tree of knowledge of good and evil was in the middle of the Garden of Eden.  So often, I have been told that I did not allow for much of a middle ground in matters and I have responded by saying that some things are either right or they are wrong and there is no real need to sway from one side to the other about them.  It’s like being pregnant; you either are or you are not.

There are, of course some times when it is absolutely okay to linger in the middle ground.  On matters that don’t require any real commitment or responsibility, does it really hurt to waver from one side to the other?  Not really.  But where someone is expecting something of another person or even hoping for something to happen that will be significant in their life, it really means alot to take a stand.  You can’t go through life having one opinion one week and another opinion the next.  There is no way to instill any real confidence in oneself or in one’s ability to be a trustworthy person if we can’t stand consistently by our opinions or positions on a given topic.  There is also no way to build a solid foundation when we are constantly changing our minds about what materials should be included in the building of the house.  There is a real difference between an evolving opinion and a flat out reversal of one’s affections.  To completely flip means that we make those around us wonder if anything we ever said or did was ever genuine or came from a place of trying to love or care for them.

Coming through a marriage and finding that my feelings toward my now ex-husband had changed from the infatuation of our early years to something of fear and bitterness was not easy.  This is not a reflection on him as much as it is a clear indicator that when we go into relationships with one another we really need to first be secure in who we are so that what we want and need in a relationship doesn’t get all wrapped up in what we think the other person can be for us before we even know them.  If we set ourselves up to find satisfaction solely in the person we think we love, we are missing out on the satisfaction that comes from having a strong relationship with Christ and accepting that He is who He says He is and that we are who He says we are.  In that instance, it is absolutely necessary to decide on one thing or the other.  Are you going to walk with Him or not?  You can’t drop out of step with Him one day and then be back at His side the next on a consistent basis.  Even if you’re hoping that the consistency of your inconsistent devotion will be enough to hold His attention.

God requires from us a solid commitment to follow Him and there is no middle ground. We can’t just hang out on the fence waiting to see if one side looks better to us than the other.  Once we see that relationship with Christ holds for us all that we could ever desire, then we need to grab hold of it with everything we are.  If we decide after looking at who He is and what He can do for us that we don’t want Him in our lives, well, unfortunately that’s a path that we must go down alone.  But if you hold onto Him and ask Him to be your Protector, your Provider, your Guide, your Savior…there is absolutely nothing that you won’t be able to achieve. 

I guess I just don’t have much use for standing in the middle and not committing to one side or the other.  Life is too short to spend your time in hesitation.  If I’ve learned anything from the few months that I’ve been unemployed it is that I hate hanging around waiting between jobs and I’m ready to push forward and grab onto the next thing that God has for me.  If I were content to just stay where I am, much of what life should be would definitely pass me by and I’d find myself wondering how I missed it.  I pray that God doesn’t set me in the middle of a valley full of dry bones.  That would surely be a terrible place to rest.  Take a stand, make a decision, stop stringing people along until you get yourself together, make a commitment to something and press on.

And after it is thrown on the fire as fuel and the fire burns both ends and chars the middle, is it then useful for anything?

~Ezekiel 15:4~ 

 

Today’s Pondering~Remind me who I am…

Then, at the evening sacrifice, I rose from my self-abasement, with my tunic and cloak torn, and fell on my knees with my hands spread out to the LORD my God and prayed:

   “I am too ashamed and disgraced, my God, to lift up my face to you, because our sins are higher than our heads and our guilt has reached to the heavens.  From the days of our ancestors until now, our guilt has been great. Because of our sins, we and our kings and our priests have been subjected to the sword and captivity, to pillage and humiliation at the hand of foreign kings, as it is today.

~Ezra 9:5-7 New International Version (NIV)~

 

Sometimes I forget that I’m not the same person I was twenty years ago.  It is a scary place to find myself because twenty years ago, I was at the most broken point I’ve ever been in my life.  Twenty years ago, I was depressed and was at a place where I didn’t believe God would ever accept me again.  At that point in time, I didn’t know how much worse it could be.  I only felt alone and had decided that I didn’t want to bother God with my pain any longer.  At that point, I thought that since He’d allowed me to hurt so much up to then that He didn’t really care.  I didn’t understand that He was waiting for me to understand who He was and who I was in Him.

I was about nineteen years old and I didn’t have any idea what I wanted to do with my life.  I had graduated from high school and my plans to go into the military had fallen apart due to some issues at home.  I had decided to stay behind and work, though I had wanted more than anything to leave.  There was a young man that I had started to care about and somewhere during that year I found out that he had been shot and killed.  We hadn’t been an exclusive couple or anything, but we had gone out when he was in town after he had gone into the military.  In any case, it wasn’t necessarily common knowledge that we were together, but when I found out that he had been killed it just broke my heart.  It was such a tragic loss that I don’t think I ever really came to terms with it.  Even today when I think about it, it stirs up such feelings of regret that I can hardly deal with it.  Oddly, this secret that seems insignificant I’m sure to anyone out there but me, has always had a place in my heart and mind as I have entered into any kind of relationship.  Even that far back, I had developed a tendency to not want to get close to people because I was scared to death that once I cared about them, they would disappear.

Subconsciously, I think I picked the types of relationships that ultimately came to an abrupt and unexplainable end out of some kind of guilt feelings I had over losing him.  If only I’d been more attentive or pressed the issue of being together more often.  Maybe he would have been with me instead of out where he could get hurt.  It’s not very good logic, but these are the thoughts that emerge from the brokenhearted.  I’m finding now that this monster crept out whenever I started to like someone and sometimes, tended to be too much for them.  Sometimes, they felt smothered or otherwise oppressed by the outpouring of concern or affection that was meant only to ensure that they knew they had a safe place with me.  This is where I went wrong.  Their safe place should not be with me, but in Christ.  If the people I care about find their safety in Christ, I don’t have to work so hard to protect them.  Easy to say.  Easy to see.  But not so easy to put into action.

There was a not so brief moment in my life when I seem to have abandoned that compulsion to protect and actually settled into a rather long relationship and marriage.  For nearly eleven years, I was able to give up that need to protect the one I loved.  I’m not sure why I was able to do that or what it was replaced with.  I loved my husband and truly wanted to be with him for the rest of my life.  But things happen and we wake up from our slumber.  We look around our relationship and see that we’ve gotten lost in it and that’s when we find that we were so comfortable with what we were in that we completely forgot to protect ourselves in the process.  I “woke up” when I gave birth to my daughter and the need to play the role of protector resurfaced.  And that’s really the only time it has made any sense to me in my entire life.  Once I saw that protecting my daughter was something I would feel the need to do for the rest of my life, it seemed really stupid that I would ever be put in a position to have to protect any man who was in my life.  I mean, shouldn’t they want to protect me?

As I have begun to date in the six months or so, I’m finding that there are more people out there who are looking to be mothered than there are men who are looking for good women.  There are more guys out there who seem to be focused on getting everything they want without ever sacrificing anything for another person in their lives.  I’m smart enough to know that all men aren’t like this, but from where I’m standing today, it certainly doesn’t look promising.  When I was younger, I found these qualities attractive because I wanted so badly to be someone’s protector.  I wanted to have a do-over so that I could make myself understand and believe once and for all that losing my friend so many years ago wasn’t the result of my inability to be a good partner.  As the years pass, I see that I’m really not the same girl who needed to do that.  While I still hurt when I think about him, I understand now that it wasn’t my fault and there was nothing I could have done to change that outcome.  Constantly reliving it won’t make it happen differently.  Going back and trying to do things the way I used to because I’m afraid to completely change is also not going to bring me the happiness I seek.  I am a new person in Christ.  The old has passed away.  My sins have been washed clean by the blood of the Lamb.  When I finally allow myself to understand this, I will find the reward that God has for me.  Until then, I hope that I will at least learn something from each mistake I make along the way and that I will accept that I am who He says I am.

 

When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.”

~Luke 21:28~

 

 

Today’s Pondering~Riding on flat tires

For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in obedience to him, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

~Deuteronomy 30:16~

When will we ever learn?  Sometimes we can get so bogged down in all of the little trivial things that life puts in our way that before we know it, we’ve fallen out of step with our original purpose; serving God.  Recently, I seem to have fallen out of step with God’s will for my life.  I know this because I’ve been cutting corners in my prayer time and not spending the kind of time in the Word that I normally try to spend.  All because I get preoccupied with trying to control things that I know I can’t control.  I thought about this today as I spent some good, quality time in prayer.  It felt like days had passed since the last time I had truly sat down and allowed God to speak to me.  I had taken a few minutes every day for the last week or so, but it wasn’t like before.  Before, I was spending an hour or more sitting in prayer and asking God to guide me to the next thing.  But things get in the way, we get distracted and before we know it we’re like a punctured tire that has been steadily leaking air for several days.  We think we’re alright because we’re still moving along, but then one day we look back and it’s gone completely flat.

I guess I’ve been trying to prepare myself for some things I feel I won’t be able to handle.  This speaks volumes as to the state of my faith, for if I was believing in the way that I need to be believing, I wouldn’t be afraid of what’s coming.  To an extent, I’m not actually afraid like I was before I was holding onto His hand.  But there are things that still scare me.  Like trusting people and stepping out to help others.  These are two very scary things that God wants me to do and up to now, I have given as much of myself as I’ve felt ready to give, but I know He wants me to do more.  So, what do I do?  The answer lies in Philippians 3:12, where it says, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”  I must keep pressing forward until I can do the things He has set me here to do.  The roadblocks that appear are not His way of testing me; they are the devil’s way of keeping me from doing the work of my God.  The devil hates to see us make progress and he will do everything in his power, use every trick in the book to deter us or make us shift our focus to something other than God’s divine purpose for our lives.

I know that the things that keep me from fulfilling my purpose today are basically the same things that kept me bogged down in sin and misery before I began my walk with Christ.  Although I’m not doing the things I used to do, the emotion that lies beneath the action is still in there to some degree.  The feelings that drive me to act irrationally or to cling unnecessarily to things that don’t matter are the reason why I once turned to alcohol and sex to try and fill a void in my life instead of turning to God and asking Him to help me through.  The wounds that were caused so long ago are still a part of who I am.  They may not be as much a part of me now as they once were, but they are part of what has made me the woman I am today.  They are the cracks in the foundation of my soul that God is working so diligently to fill in with His love.  This is why I must put forth all the effort I can each day to help Him fill in the holes.  It’s not just His job to fix me.  I have a responsibility in this as well and if I don’t do my part, He can’t do His.

Falling short when we are trying to do the right thing is absolutely normal and expected.  He knows that it is hard to be good, this is why He is so forgiving and so merciful to us.  He knows that we won’t always do the right thing because He made us this way.  He gave us emotions and the ability to feel and to hurt.  He takes pleasure in helping us to overcome our pain and suffering and He wants us to lean on Him and His strength when we can no longer bear all that the world places on us.  While He wants us to be obedient, He also wants us to be the human beings that He made us to be.  To love Him, praise Him, thank Him and call on Him when the time is right to do so.  Because His strength is made perfect in our weakness, He is absolutely okay with our going through periods where we just can’t seem to get it right.  We need to allow ourselves to receive His mercy and forgiveness, but at the same time we must continue to strive to learn more about Him and what He wants for us in this life.

I trust in you;  do not let me be put to shame,  nor let my enemies triumph over me.

~Psalm 25:2~

Today’s Pondering~Ain’t Never Scared

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.”

~Ephesians 6:10-11 NIV~ 

So, I’m all fired up today!  I’ve been spinning my wheels and I finally have decided that it is just time to start calling people out.  You know, I just posted on Facebook about the parents that are coming to pick up their children at my school and how their language is often just inappopriate for where they are.  Granted, in most cases, it wouldn’t matter where they were, they should clean it up a bit.  Now, I’m no angel in terms of some of the things I’ve been known to say, but about 98% of the time, I am trying my best to keep my mouth in check.  Vulgarity, harsh profanity and all that has no place on the grounds of an elementary school.  There is no wonder that the children don’t see a need to show respect for their elders, many of their elders certainly aren’t being respectful of themselves or anyone around them.  Short of arming some church ladies with bars of soap and assembling a full-scale attack on the playground, what do we do?

I’m thinking that it would be so cool if a bunch of us parents would get together and act as a kind of “patrol” for the school grounds at the times when kids are being picked up and dropped off.  But there are really no laws against being crude unless of course, a significant number of parents were to get together and proclaim that this behavior was a nuisance.  In this case, it might be possible to establish a “Zero Tolerance” policy that could be applied to individuals who are present on the school grounds.  I’m no law scholar, but this is what I could come up with when I checked around.  I wonder how many parents would be willing to step up and say, “I will not tolerate this behavior around my children.”

While I don’t have the solution worked out yet, I am going to start working on something right now.  I’ll be posting some updates here as things progress.  Hopefully, we can begin to restore a little decency outside the school buildings so that what’s happening inside in terms of all the initiatives against bullying and so forth aren’t undermined by a few people who can’t seem to understand that they have a responsibility to act like they have some sense.

“‘Do not hate a fellow Israelite in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in their guilt.”

~Leviticus 19:17~

Today’s Pondering~Becoming whole again

His children are far from safety,  crushed in court without a defender.

~Job 5:4~ 

I think alot about how my daughter has been affected by my divorce.  Lately, it seems like one of the most prominent thoughts in my mind.  I know that I have done the right thing and I have followed God in this, however; I am so completely ambushed by guilt sometimes that I can hardly stand to be in my own skin.  At times like these, I call out to God and ask Him, “Did I do what You wanted me to do in that situation?”  “Have I been obedient?”  His answer, no matter how difficult it is to understand, has always been, “Yes.”  So where does the pain come from?  It comes from seeing my daughter struggle with emotions that I can’t help her overcome.  I can’t sympathize enough, I can’t comfort enough, and I can’t make them go away.  So, I just have to let her cry and teach her how to pray about it so that she can find the peace that she needs to get through.  All the while, praying that she will not let my experience be the basis of her reluctance to love someone later in life.

As I sit here today, listening to Matthew West’s song, Two Houses, I became so overwhelmed by the thought of what she must be going through.  She is the only one of the three of us who has to exist in both worlds; his and mine.  At least he and I have the luxury of building our own new relationships and developing our goals and interests in our new lives.  The positive thing is that she now gets more of our attention when she is with us, but that doesn’t heal the brokenness that she feels when she has to adapt to living in his house every other weekend and knowing that she can never have all of what she loves in one place.

When I was younger, I always said that I never wanted children.  This was, in part, due to the fact that my parents had problems and I never wanted to put a child through that kind of pain.  I was certain that if this was the way it was done, that I wanted no part of it.  But the rewards of having my daughter have been of more value than anything I could ever have possessed without her.  So, when my ex-husband and I decided to have children and we were blessed with her, she became the most important thing in my life.  To the point that I was overwhelmed with anxiety about her getting hurt or about making mistakes or otherwise messing up her development.  Making the decision to divorce was the hardest thing I have ever had to do…and I’ve been through a few things.  Understanding that there was no other course of action was the hardest thing for me to accept.  Knowing that the impact on her heart would be something that I could never heal for her is a burden that I will have to carry for the rest of my life.

Brokenness is not permanent, though.  We have a Savior who can heal all things.  While I can’t put the pieces of my daughter’s broken heart back together, I can find comfort in the fact that He can and will do this for her.  I pray each day that she will be happy, healthy and safe in His arms and in mine.  All I can do is make sure she understands that God is always there.  He’s not just at my house, he’s not just at her father’s house.  He’s not different in either place.  He’s the same God, everywhere, all the time.  And He’s always, always, always going to be there to love her, to comfort her, and to protect her even when we can’t be with her.

Although I’m divorced, I would urge anyone out there who is experiencing problems in their marriage to first look at their own personal relationship with God and start to build that before making any big decisions.  Especially if you have children.  I’ve never been one to say that you should stay in an unfulfilling or unsatisfying situation; however, if you find yourself at an absolute impasse, God can help you find the right solution.  But you really need to turn it all over to Him so that He can guide you through whatever is going on.  If you are being abused, it goes without saying, you need to leave that situation and seek shelter.  But if the problems are that you’ve simply fallen out of love with one another or maybe you never were actually in love, ask God for guidance, check your selfishness level, and consider the impact on your child before moving forward.  Reconciliation is possible, but it’s so hard to gain back trust when it’s been broken and to feel love again after so many harsh words are spoken.  Hard for your spouse, and even harder for your children.  They are watching you.  They are expecting you to protect them.  They will relive the very things you are hoping they aren’t seeing in your relationships.  Guard your heart, guard their hearts, and follow His lead.

Above all else, guard your heart,  for everything you do flows from it.

 ~Proverbs 4:23~

Today’s Pondering~Glad You Got to See Me…

For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone.

~Lamentations 3:33~

I was thinking about my grandfather today.  He was so much fun and since he passed away, it is painfully obvious that something is missing from our lives.  This is especially true as the good weather sets in as he was an avid walker before he got sick.  My grandfather had a few witty little sayings that we had all grown to love over the years and now that he is gone, there isn’t a day that goes by when one of my sisters or myself  doesn’t use one of his catch phrases.  It may seem insignificant to everyone except those of us who were close to him, but the impact that he made on our lives is evident and undeniable.  It’s kind of like that when we have a relationship with Christ.  His words have such deep meaning to those of us who know Him, but to others, they may mean absolutely nothing.  Sadly, as Christ is a part of each and every one of us, we should all find comfort in His words and we should all share those words with one another as often as possible. 

Sometimes it’s hard not to just keep His word to ourselves for this very reason.  For some, it’s more like an inside joke that doesn’t bear repeating to those who may not get it.  But by failing to share it, we fail to glorify Him in the way He deserves to be glorified.  If we are to honor the relationship we have with Him, we must not be afraid to share the goodness of the Lord with others in our lives.  We may need to wait for the right time, but eventually that time will present itself. 

For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.  Continue your love to those who know you, your righteousness to the upright in heart.  May the foot of the proud not come against me, nor the hand of the wicked drive me away.

 

~Psalm 36:9-11 New International Version (NIV)~

Today’s Pondering~It’s Not as Easy as it Looks…

““For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

~Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV~

I’m a sincere believer in love and in the idea that everyone has some goodness in them.  Unfortunately, my forgiving nature has gotten me into trouble more than a few times when it comes to relationships and I find myself doubting whether or not I should ever be allowed to venture into any kind of alliance with anyone; even something as simple and non-threatening as being the other half of a euchre team.  But God is good and He sees these shortcomings as teachable moments and if we allow Him, He can fix what’s broken in us so that we can move on more confidently into what He has for us.  The trick is knowing when it is something He has sent versus something that we have convinced ourselves would have His blessing if we can just make it look right. 

So this is where I find myself once again.  For lack of a better, more Godly analogy, you just can’t polish a turd.  Forgive the sentiment, but it’s really the only one that accurately captures what I’ve recently gone through as I attempted to have a relationship with someone who just wasn’t ready.  Sadly, I can see that he has potential, but really, is it up to me to wait it out and suffer a decline in my own progress to allow that potential to blossom?  No, it isn’t.  And that’s the word I got, loud and clear, during prayer every morning.  I just chose to set it aside and ignore the rather obvious warnings God was sending me.  In Obadiah 1:13, He says, “You should not have entered the gate of my people in the day of their calamity.  Indeed you should not have gazed on their affliction in the day of their calamity, nor laid hands on their substance in the day of their calamity.”  All too often, this is what happens to us.  When we are already broken, the enemy finds a way to sneak through our defenses and take advantage of that brokenness.  But God wants us to fight those battles with everything He has given us.  He will step in if He sees that we can’t fight, but first we must fight on our own behalf.  If we aren’t willing to do that, then how can we be trusted to fight for His kingdom? 

It occurred to me that God had built me up when I was broken and that it was up to me to guard what He had given me.  When I looked at things that way, I had no choice but to defend His temple.  As in 1 Corinthians 3:16, “Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells within you?”  Why would I let someone destroy what God has made?  What possible reason or grudge could I be holding against my Maker that would keep me from protecting what is His?  When I stopped looking around at how the relationship was making me feel and what I thought I had the power to do within that relationship, I saw that I was basically not doing my job as a warrior for Christ.  By allowing someone to come into my life and disrespect me, I was permitting their disrespect of God and that is simply unacceptable.  If the person you are with does not love and fear God, then you shouldn’t be with them.  If they don’t love themselves, they are also not defending what God has made in them.  If they don’t love themselves, they don’t love you.  No matter how many times they say it. 

God’s love is a perfect demonstration of what He wants us to show to one another.  He wants us to accept one another for who we are and for our relationships to be built on a mutual respect and admiration for the glory of God that dwells in each of us.  Aside from all of our politics, our preferences and our baggage, we must see ourselves as a beautiful miracle created by the One and Only God.  We must love ourselves and be able to see His glory in our own hearts before we can ever claim to love another living soul.  If it’s a struggle to get through each day, something is wrong.  If there is no joy in your heart, something needs to change.  If you’re living, breathing and able to give it another chance today, you have something to be happy about.  If God had given up on you, you wouldn’t be here.  You must acknowledge that in your life if you ever want to receive the reward that God holds for you. 

Many times, people who are broken just decide that God has abandoned them and that He doesn’t want to love them and fix what is wrong in their lives.  They fail to see that God’s perfect love is demonstrated in His willingness to let us go through what we go through and to reach out to Him when we are in need.  Just to sit in His presence and allow Him to wrap His arms around us while we cry is to allow His healing to permeate every part of our being and begin a work in us that is indescribable to those who refuse His love.  I know it doesn’t make sense to everyone, and it won’t until you’ve surrendered all to Him, but I promise you that He’s the best medicine for any ailment.  He’s the cure for any disease.  He’s the glue for any brokenness.  He’s the Almighty, Wonderful One, Loving God who will do anything for His children.  But there’s a responsibility that we must accept for our own happiness and He’s always watching to see if we’re willing to take on that challenge. 

He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor. “For the foundations of the earth are the LORD’s; on them he has set the world. He will guard the feet of his faithful servants, but the wicked will be silenced in the place of darkness.“It is not by strength that one prevails; those who oppose the LORD will be broken. The Most High will thunder from heaven; the LORD will judge the ends of the earth. “He will give strength to his king and exalt the horn of his anointed.”

~1 Samuel 2:8-10 New International Version (NIV)~

Today’s Pondering~Who’s Between You and God…

They spread a net for my feet— I was bowed down in distress. They dug a pit in my path— but they have fallen into it themselves.

~Psalm 57:6~

Why is it that we sometimes find ourselves wedged between the bottom of someone else’s pit and the surface that we so desperately fought to climb out of on our own?  Or, more accurately, the solid ground that God so firmly set us on when He delivered us from our own pit?  It amazes me that no matter how far along I get in my walk, I am still able to be sidetracked by what looks like a good investment of my time and energy…what looks like it has the potential to be a relationship.  Thankfully, though, it also amazes me that my response to deceptive behavior is no longer to accept it blindly but to fight it with every ounce of wisdom that God has given me and to effectively remove myself from what proves to be unable to bear fruit in my life. 

I was having a conversation the other day with my sister and we were talking about our need to hit bottom when we are going through something and can’t seem to turn the situation around.  It occurred to me as we were talking that maybe, the person causing the dismay in my life also needs to hit bottom to make significant changes but he can’t because I’m blocking his fall.  By continuing to offer my love and support to him when he clearly refuses to accept it on any genuine level, he is being enabled by me to continue on in his quest for self-destruction and sees me only as a good reason to keep hurting himself and others.  Aside from all of this, by concentrating my energy on loving this person that doesn’t want or know how to be loved, I am operating outside of God’s will for my life.  This is the part that I can’t be okay with.

Last night I was thinking about the whole situation and of how easy it had been for me to get wrapped up in the problems of this person whom I had convinced myself I loved.  As an advocate for the empowerment of women, I should have seen this kind of attack on the horizon.  Of course, Satan wouldn’t want me to advance in my efforts to help women break free from oppressive relationships.  By trying to stick me in one of these, he thought he had me out of the way.  I’ve got news for the evil one, however; my God has done good work in me and I’m so much stronger now than I used to be.  I know that God’s path for me does not include trailing behind someone who not only doesn’t love himself, but doesn’t love God as he should which translates into a non-existent capacity to love me as I deserve to be loved. 

Emerging from broken relationships is a long journey and can take a toll when we take our eyes off of God.  I praise the wonderful power of God for delivering me from a painful relationship and showing me that I have been remade.  I am better than this and He knows it.  And so, with my eyes fixed on God, I can now see the nets that were laid out for me by the enemy and I can walk forward confidently knowing that he’ll not catch me up in his treachery by disguising it as love.  Be wary of those who don’t share your love for God.  Never let them limit your desire to testify and praise the work that God has done in you.  If you feel oppressed in your relationship, you probably are.  Break free, get out, move on, follow God. 

God has delivered me from going down to the pit, and I shall live to enjoy the light of life.

~Job 33:28~